Break ups are usually messy. Your book doesn't talk about all of the tug-of-wars that happen after dissolution. (Getting back together over and over, trying to be "friends", jealousy when you see them with someone new, etc.) During this time, it's difficult to know when the relationship is completely over and it's time to move on. Share with us your thoughts and experiences on this whole "after the dissolution" phase. How do you know when it's REALLY over? When do you stop trying to rekindle the fire? When do you know that you're ready to move on?
Let's see, I've been through this stage here and there. It's definitely something that's difficult and each person deals with in their own way. For me, there was this one time where this girl and I had talked for around 3 weeks, close to one month. But things here and there popped up to where we couldn't agree or so, so "us" never happened. Even though we we're done, I'd still would feel feelings towards her. A week later we would text again yet, she started to do her own thing again and I could tell because I realized she started talking to someone else. I guess the part of when it was really over hit me when she went to date this one guy who she said she didn't like. That pretty much set things straight for me in the right way. I didn't bother to rekindle any fire because obviously it was being lit by someone else. I think a person is ready to move on when they have realized the other person is non responding to any of the signals, gestures, or forms of affection. It is better to move on and readjust yourself to instead being longing and wanting of something or someone you can't have.
ReplyDeleteJonathon T
When they call the cops on you! hehehehe.... Just playing of course. In my case with a former girlfriend, her and I stayed in touch throughout the years. But more recently I realized that I wanted to move on after I received a phone call from her and didn't have much to say to her. We have stayed in touch as friends for years, thinking maybe one day we would get back together. There was a time when all I did was try to make her laugh, but this last time around I purposely hurried up the conversation just to hang up. Since then we haven't had any contact. That is when I new it was time to move on.
ReplyDeleteI think that most people have been through this before. You have a fight or something so you break it off, then you realize that it was silly so you try to figure out a way to resume the relationship. But when it becomes a cycle then it is time to move on. If you keep getting back together then fighting over the same things or things similar then you need to cut it off. The only thing that will happen is you will continue to hurt each other. I also think that somewhere deep inside you will realize that it isn't meant to be and will move on.
ReplyDeleteBreaking up is hard to do, but getting back together, if that is agreed upon is even worse! The couple has to start all over againg getting to know one another again, having trust issues. If they were to get back together, they will still fight over why they broke up in the first place. I say, just cut your losses and move on to the next relationship. Move on with your life as well.
ReplyDeleteYou know it’s really over when you see your ex with another person. If that doesn’t give you a hint then you’re blind. I personally believe that you stop trying to rekindle the fire when one of the two is the only individual willing to commit to the things he or she needs to change about themselves to make the relationship work, but when only one of the two is doing this then it’s time to stop trying and just use the changes to help you become a better person. I personally believe that you know that you’re ready to move on when you have inner peace about getting involved in another relationship it will all vary from person to person.
ReplyDelete-ivan
You know a relationship is really over when a person changes their Facebook status from "in a relationship" to "single". Or at least that's what most people seem to believe. Personally I think you know a relationship is over when you no longer want to fight to have that person in your life. When you no longer care if they walk out the door or leave you for good. I think once you reach this point you know that the relationship is over.
ReplyDeleteI think trying to rekindle the fire is part of any strong relationship. Keeping things new and fresh is always a struggle, but is necessary to make any relationship work. I think that when a relationship has reached the breaking point, where you no longer want to fight to make it work that's when its time to stop trying. It's time to stop trying to continue to make it work when you know you or the other person is already headed out the door.
It's hard to know when it is the right time to move on because it is different for each relationship. I do believe that a person should only move on once they know they are completely over their past relationship. When you are no longer pining for that person, angry that your relationship went south, or comparing new relationships/people to your past relationship. Once a person has found their own peace with their past relationship then they can really move on and find happiness with another individual.
Personally, it is really hard to tell how can I make a rekindle after we dissolution. No matter how deep or how sad that you felt in this relationship, it just over. It's worthless to recall an ended relationship because all of it will bring you is the memory about it, sweet or bitter.
ReplyDeleteAnother one, to tell the end of a relationship, usually I tend to take an action of having an open mind and mature talking. Let's list all of the issues that we are facing, and trying to find a right way to solve or skip. If the final resolution is mutual acceptable, that means we still have chance to carry on this relationship, if not, keeping sticking in is just nothing but suffering for both of us.
One way to tell when its really over is you either fall out of love with that person or you have had so much of there crap that all emotion is lost tward your partner. I have been the giver and givee on this subject. The best way to get over them is just cut all ties. You can be friends with them just give it a few months and let all emotion out of it. I am still good friend with alot of my ex's.
ReplyDeleteChris
It's not easy to figure out when it's really over. One person has to come to the decision before the other and sometimes that's hard to handle. I think you have to be truly happy without that person and be able to live your life without constantly thinking about that person without having to depend on them for a lot of things for it to be over. You could split up and remain friends but more than likely one person might still have feelings for the other. At that point all you can really do is give it time to see what happens whether it be someone moves on and they start dating someone else or you get back together.
ReplyDeleteI think it's really hard to discover when it's really over and I think it can depend on why you broke up. I think in a break up there needs to be discussion on why and whether or not either party thinks that's a possibility. I think after there's been a break up there needs to be complete separation and space from each other so that there can be reflection and healing and an objective viewpoint. I do think it's possible to get back together after a break up if there has been time and you've resolved the reasons for the break up and have both committed to put the past behind you.
ReplyDeleteJaclyn
For me, when I get told its over, I take it literally. I don’t like to dwell on my losses and try to fix things. When you try to rekindle relationships I think you are just setting up for another break up. I’ve had girlfriends try to talk to me after the fact and I had already moved on. It might appear that I’m quick to give up, but I like to think that I’m not easily defeated.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are dynamic and complex, so it’s hard to say exactly when a relationship ends. In my experience, relationships don’t end with the break up. Sometimes ex-partners try to stay friends, may end up back together later, or may be unaware that a relationship is truly over until they see the other person with somebody else. I think the only sure way to know if a relationship is over is to be direct and open with your partner when you break up. It’s important to know why a relationship is ending and what path the relationship will take in the future, if any. Often times the reasons for the break up aren’t entirely apparent; this can happen when one person gives vague reasons because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings or the relationship ends on a bad note and the reasons for the break up are never made clear. As long as people are willing to be civil and discuss the relationship objectively when they break up, confusions concerning the end of a relationship can be avoided.
ReplyDeleteBreaking up just sucks all around. It's been a long time since I've had to break up with someone, and if I remember right I wasn't really all that mad about it. So what I think is if your in the relationship and for whatever reason its not going good, you will know when its just over. When you have that feeling of unsatisfaction and distance between you, then just move on. Don't hold on to things, just move on.
ReplyDeleteJeffery