While most human beings will engage in making some excuses in their lives, the common Ben Franklin saying “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else,” may be more of a self-fulfilling prophesy for excuse-makers than simply avoidance or laziness. Whether excuses are used to shift blame or improve what other people think, it may be easier for excuse-makers to live with excuses than think about living with having tried at something and failed.
Share with us a time when someone has given you an excuse that you know was a lie. How did you know that it wasn't the truth? What verbal/nonverbal cues were there? How did it affect your perception of that person?
My son was suppose to drop off a check at school for his lunch. Well when I got home I had a message on our phone from the school saying that he was negitive on his account. So right there I already know it wasn't turned in. so when he got home I asked him if he turned it in. Of course he says yes, when I let him know they called then he starts making excuses. First it was, "I left it at home," then it was "I forgot it in my bag." So on and so forth. Because of all this now anytime he is suppose to do anything we have to stay on him and follow through with him to make sure it gets done. Maybe its just my kids but the excuses never stop in our house. lol
ReplyDeleteWell, to date the most memorable lie to me was from my wife. Before I go any further understand that my wife and I do not keep any secrets (as far as I know, LOL), therefore we tend to know right away when something is astray.
ReplyDeleteIt was a Wednesday night my wife’s designated night to congregate with other domestic engineers at a local watering hole (Legends Sports Bar) and on this particular night we were both running late. My self, having left work late and my wife having had trouble putting the children down for the night set a bad pretext for this entire incident. Being lazy and frankly tired, I had called my wife while I was driving home and asked her to feed our dogs, which is usually my responsibility. My wife for whatever reason agreed to feed our K9 family members rather than calling me out on my attempt to escape this responsibility for the night. When I arrived home I rushed into the house as she began to rush out, having seen the hungry glare in the dog’s eyes I asked my wife quickly if she had feed the dogs and she stated yes. So, I asked her what she did with the cans so that I could wash them and put them in the recycling bin. Stopped dead in tracks my wife then stated “well I was going to feed them when I get back”.
Needless to say this was the start of a little domestic squabble, my wife did feed the dogs before leaving and well I had to pretend to care about recycling for a little while. Back on point, during this incident I knew my wife had lied to me simply because I know she does not like to feed the dogs. (Their big, messy and like to jump all over you.) Then the dogs themselves told on her when they were trying to get in the house to eat and then my wife kind of half grinned when she said she fed them. As far as perception changes of my wife none really, forgive and forget she is my wife after all.
Just a couple of weeks ago before the Fall semester started, I asked my cousin 19 years of age if he was enrolling for the Fall semester at Northwest Vista? This was his response, "just trying to get my financial aid in order". Which seems credible enough had he been more convincing in his mannerisms. It was how he responded to my question that made it apparent that he was lying to me. His elusive eye contact and quick response to answer my question so as to not expand further into the subject gave him away and as soon as it was apparent he did not want to discuss it further, I left at that. So, the Fall semester comes rolling around and of course I go to visit at my aunt's home and to no surprise my cousin was not enrolled into school because his financial aid never came in. This was the same excuse he used last semester and just stayed at home. I know my cousin is a very decent kid, but I am now seeing him as a slacker.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is a "real vaild excuse" for anything. Yes, there are some circumstanses that I think are expectable b/c life happens. For instances, if an employee can't show up to work b/c of a death in the family, that to me is a valid reason why someone can't be at work. If someone out of the blue just says "I don't really feel like going to work today," that individual will lose their job. I understand that life happens, but there are other times that those excuses just cannot work. The quote, "My dog ate my homework," isn't going to work in higher forms of education.
ReplyDeleteI am not perfect, I had to make some excuses, just last semester at the fire academy, I had to break myself of my military manner on the burn day. I had to learn to break from it for a day.
My close friend is the type of person who has never been very careful with other people's things. She has been known to knock over lamps, scratch CDs, shatter wineglasses, and misplace books (to name just a few). Despite this fact, I am always willing to lend her clothes if she promises to take immaculate care of them and return them the next day. This may seem like risky behavior, but I know where she lives. So one night I let her wear one of my skirts and--you guessed it--my favorite top. The evening was completely spill-free, which gave me great confidence. At the end of the night she offered to give me back my outfit, but seeing that she hadn't completely trashed it, I said, "Nah girl. Just give it back next time you come over." Days turned into weeks; weeks turned into months. In the span of about two months I had inquired about my clothes a good six or seven times. Every time they were mentioned, she always responded hastily with "Oh, I still haven't had a chance to do laundry yet" or "I left them at home, sorry!" On at least one occasion she even pretended like she hadn't heard me and changed the subject! Needless to say, I could tell something was up. The next time I went over to her house I decided to confront her once and for all. Hello, this is my favorite top we're talkin' about. I said, "Where is my stuff, I want to wear it!" Almost immediately her eyes got all shifty and she looked to her closet. I took a step in that direction but before I could open the door, she wails "WAIT, DON'T!" Naturally I did not heed her warning. Ladies and gentlemen, my cutest top lay in tatters on top of her hamper. Apparently her dog is actually a raccoon and is attracted to shiny embellishments. Since this has happened, I haven't even considered lending her so much as a Kleenex.
ReplyDeleteLast year my younger brother decided to ditch high school and of course the school contacted me on my cell phone and let me know he was absent. That afternoon when I picked up my brother from school he got in the car and I asked him How was school? Tell me three things you did today? He responded ummmm nothing really just be bored. I then continued driving and told him oh really that sounds pretty boring. I then parked my car looked at him in the eye and played the voicemail the school had left me indicating he had ditch school. When I played the voicemail he said Oh it's cause I was late to my class after lunch. His voice was really shaky and he could flat out not look me in the eye, because deep down inside he knew I wasn't messing around and he had been caught. After he told me it's cause he was tardy I asked him Ok great well now that were here let's get off and how about I confirm with your teacher to see if you were really tardy so that they fix your absence at the attendance office. Immediately he put up the excuse that no his teacher wasn't there because it was a coach and he left early. So then I said well awesome let's go find him in the locker room if we can't find him in the class. After that we got off the car and both headed inside the school he was so nervous I wish I could have captured video cause it was priceless. Right before we approached the teacher's classroom he looked at me and admitted that he had ditch. So we turned back and headed home......
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Since the topic is excuses here are some quotes I love that deal with the subject. Just thought I'd share.
Excuses R like the flavored syrup they put N children's medicine.They make FAILURE easier to swallow. If U mess up, OWN IT! Cause U2 grow!- Charles Nieman
Truth I have observed:Successful people make themselves do what has 2B done, whether they like it or not.Others make excuses. -Charles Nieman
About 11 months ago, I began to talk to one of my friend's exs. At the time, my friend Alex had a girlfriend, so it shouldn't of really mattered if I talked to her right?
ReplyDeleteSooner or later I ended up confront him about it... One day we at my friend's house and I pulled him to the side and was like, "Hey man, I got to talk to you about something. And I don't know what you're think about it."
You can probably imagine it turn out right. We stopped talking as friends, pretty much the crew we hung out with separated. Most went his way of course.
So weeks later I start seeing funny things happen. My car egged here and there and my suspicions were up but can't point a finger, no evidence.
However, this one morning I wake up to paintball shots on my car... and I flipped out. I called up up my friend Serrano, and was like, "Hey bro, what did you last night?"
He responds, "I didn't do much man, the other guys wanted to hang and go out paint balling but I wasn't up to it. Why what's up?
"Uhh I got shot, with paintballs all over the Mustang...!"
"Ohh no way? Dudee, I bet it was them!"
At this moment, I pissed... I hung up. Cleaned the car. Picked up the paintball deposits, placed them in a bag, and I knew exactly where Alex would always be on a Saturday morning, Orderup at Lincoln Heights.
As I get there, guess who's just leaving...
Roll up out of my car and say, "What's up BRO? Where were you last night?
"Uhhh nothing much, I stayed in..."
I pull out my bag of paintball deposits and say," You see what this is? It's your paintballs and you were out last night with the guys. Who did it?"
"Uhh it wasn't me dude...."
Conversation short, we argued back and forth about who did it, who didn't do it. And during that time, I asked him to pop his trunk cause I know his PB gun is in there, he didn't want to open it or match his PB with the ones I found in my driveway... It was just a mess of arguing and frustration.
Verbal cues that lead me to believe he was involved was the change of tone in his voice, and facial expressions as we talked.
Nonverbal cues were his body posture/stance.
I know he was involved in this even though he denied involvement yet, that was 11 months ago. The guys are back together, Alex and I are back as friends, and this girl is out of both of our lives. We both lived and learned from this yet we forgive but don't forget.
It happened when our development project reaching a tough step.
ReplyDeleteOne of my team members missed am important project meeting. His absent caused an awkward skipping of his working process report---that made my boss really angry even I tried to cover this by all his information on my hand.
Half hour after our meeting, he showed up in office. His face looked quite tired and with a dark black eye. He apologized to me about his late, his reason is: his grandma be hit by a motorcycle this morning so he have to rush to hospital to take care.
Even though he gave me a sincere apology, but I still thought there was something unreal in his word. After a moment, something reminded me. I logged on WOW and check his avatar in my friend list, it showed his last log out time is 6:45 at morning. Everything is clear...
Sometimes a white lie is a good way to avoid further trouble, but it must bases on the premise of wellness. Just like the guy I mentioned above, using an excuse to cover his fault of responsibility is not coverable. And...hey...next time when you are trying to find an excuse, don't keep watching around...that's will only make you expose, hia hia hia...
Recently, one of my sisters was in a financial situation and needed some assistance. So I gave her 200 dollars to help her out. She then told me she would pay me back whenever she gets paid. Her telling me she would pay me back was in itself a lie. I personally did not expect her to pay me back, because she has two kids and legal problems pending. I knew she didn’t intend on paying me based on her asking via text. If she were serious she would have asked me face to face for help. Another clue was she never thanked me for the help. Since then, my perception of her hasn’t changed at all. She basically told me what I wanted to hear. I wouldn’t give somebody money if they said, “Don’t expect me to pay you back.” I generously gave her money while at the same time expecting her to lie to me. It wasn’t a big deal for me.
ReplyDeleteA few weeks ago some friends and I were hanging out and I decided to invite one of my other friends. We decided to hang out and play video games while we waited for my friend to get there. By the time my friend arrived 30 minutes later, my other friends and I were really into the game. We stayed and played a bit longer than we had planned (actually, a lot longer) and the friend I had invited didn't seem too into the game. Needless to say, he was pretty bored while we were there. Later that week, he was dropping me off at my house after hanging out and I invited him to hang out with us again during the weekend. He paused, looked around his car, and then said he was probably going to be busy. I acted like I didn't notice his hesitation. I sent him a text the next day and asked him if he would be able to hang out or not. I thought, he probably won't want to, but I better ask him in case he changes his mind. Sure enough, he replied that he was going to be busy all day.
ReplyDeleteI could tell that my friend was lying because of his simple answer. Usually when he is telling the truth, he tells me exactly why he can’t hang out. For example, he will say that he has to take care of his nephew. Another reason I could tell that he was lying was because of his hesitation and eye movements. Typically, when I ask my friend a question, he is relaxed. I could tell that he was trying to think of an excuse when he paused and looked around. My perception of him didn’t really change though; he probably lied so that he wouldn’t hurt my feelings by telling me that he didn’t have a good time last time. I still invite him to hang out with us sometimes, but only when we plan on going out instead of staying in and playing video games.
It was this past new years, and my best friend was flying in from Germany where her dad was recently stationed. I knew her long distance boyfriend was missing, her, but at the same time I had gone just as long without seeing her as he did. I called her to hang out and we made plans a week before she arrived to go to dinner then out to a club. Three days before, she texts me to cancel saying her sister wanted to hang out with her (whom she was not very close to) A lie she knew I wouldnt argue since it involved her family. Who would question that?! I later saw her tagged in a post on facebook with her boyfriend at the same club we were supposed to go to. I was extrememly upset, not because she went out with her boyfriend, but that she lied to me about it. Id rather have had her tell me she really wanted to see her boyfriend and spend some time out with him alone. As a friend, I would have understood. Her lying to me made me not able to trust her.
ReplyDeleteI have this friend that comes up with weird excuses half the time we ask her to hangout. Me and some friends will call her up and she gives the weirdest excuses that anyone could come up with. To give an example, she has said "Oh I can't hangout because I have to celebrate my aunts birthday that came from Ohio." Which could be true, but just the day before she said she didn't have anything to do the next day, and if you heard how many times she's came up with excuses like that you either might not believe her, or have doubts about believing her.
ReplyDeleteI have an employee who always makes excuses. The last time she made an excuse it was pertaining to her being late for work. I asked her why she was late and she said she had car trouble and when I asked what kind of car trouble she started to get uncomfortable and stumbled over her words. The more questions I asked the more agitated and uncomfortable she got until she finally made an excuse to leave the conversation. After that I distrust a lot of things she says. I don't mind when people are only slightly late, the most frustrating thing is when they're dishonest about it.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm gonna go with the story about the dishonest mechanic. First one you've ever heard right? I take my Harley to get worked on at the dealer that is closest to my house. The same guy is always working the counter and the service is horrible. If you want to get something minor done it takes a week, but every time I call or ask for an update this guy gives me a million excuses as to why it's not done yet. No part, no mechanic, they got busy, and on and on. And when I go to ask in person There's the lack of eye contact or "lemme go ask the guy in the back". If its gonna take awhile fine, but just give it to me straight.
ReplyDeleteOops hit submit too early. To wrap things up, the obvious lies and run around really makes me have no respect for this guy at all. So now I drive across town just not to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately my 13 yr old son has used many excuses in his young life. He has varied from "I forgot" to "it isn't due till next week" . One of the most common things he uses excuses on is his homework. One day he came home from school and I asked him if he had homework. He quickly said nope and headed out to play football with his friends. I thought it was weird that he never has homework. I knew he was lying to me but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. About a week later I received a phone call from his math teacher. Come to find out he hasn't turned in homework in almost a month! A MONTH!! Really??!! I was so angry at him that I had to walk away to calm down. I wanted him to receive the grade he earned instead of helping him catch up! Come to find out, he had done the homework in study hall but never turned it in. I do not understand why you would do something like that. Why put in all the effort and hard work and not receive the reward? So needless to say I am more vigilant to his homework and communicate with his teachers a lot more! I guess this is one of the joys of raising children.
ReplyDeleteI always seem to run into the classic "Is something wrong?" "No, I'm fine." excuse. The majority of the time I know something is eating at them and sometimes there really isn't anything wrong. I can normally tell by a couple of ways. (1) They get quieter than usual. (2) They stop smiling. (3) They begin staring off into space with a slightly irritated look on their face. (4) Their gestures are either more sharp and quick or lazy and smaller. (5) They begin to distance themselves from the group, both physically and emotionally.
ReplyDeleteI can understand that something will be wrong and they won't leave a group because they want someone to ask and care about their problems, but when I do ask, they'll say nothing's wrong either because they just want the attention or I'm not the right person to confide in. Either way, and more often than not, you can usually tell when something is wrong with someone or not despite what they say.
Thank you,
Beatrice Ramos
Ivan, Are you Navi2308?
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